Geir og kennslustofan.

Geir litli er sá klárasti í bekknum, og er alltaf fyrstur að klára prófin og spurningarblöðin.
Svo að hann hafi nú eitthvað að gera, eftir að hann var fyrstur búinn að svara spurningarblaði kennarans, ákvað kennarinn að spyrja hann aukaspurningar.
 
"Geir minn, þú ert nú svo klár, að ég ætla að spyrja þig einnar
aukaspurninar. Það eru 5 fuglar á grein, þú ert með byssu og skýtur einn fuglinn, hvað eru þá margir fuglar eftir?"
"Enginn", svarar Geir.
"Hvað meinar þú... enginn?", spyr kennslukonan?
"Já, einn drepst, dettur til jarðar og hinir fljúga í burtu" segir Geir
Kennslukonan kinkar kolli og segir "svarið átti nú að vera 4, en mér líkar hvernig þú hugsar"
 
Örstuttu seinna réttir Geir litli upp hendi.
"Já Geir"
"Má ég spyrja þig einnar spurningar?"
"Endilega" segir kennslukonan.
 
"Ókei, 3 konur standa við ísbíl, og allar eru búnar að kaupa sér ís, ein af þeim sleikir ísinn, ein af þeim bítur í ísinn og ein af þeim sýgur ísinn. Hver þeirra er gift?" Spyr Geir
Kennslukonan roðnar og segir, "Eee....ég veit ekki alveg, ætli það sé ekki sú sem sýgur ísinn?....eða eitthvað"
 
"Neeiiii" segir Geir litli, "það er sú sem er með giftingarhringinn, en mér líkar hvernig þú hugsar" 

Vinur þinn.

 

Það er ekki auðvelt að finna vin sem er 95% hæfileikaríkur
96% skemmtilegur
97% sexý
98% ástúðlegur
99% gáfaður
100% fallegur
 
 
þannig að .............
 
 
 
 
 
 
þú veist hvernig þú getur náð í mig
 
 
Sjáumst    
 
 

 

 

50 árum seinna

Það voru einu sinni hjón sem fóru á hótel til að halda upp á 50 ára brúðkaupsafmælið sitt. Fengu þau sér gott að borða og fóru svo upp í rúm til að endurupplifa brúðkaupsnóttina. Eitthvað fannst þeim gamli vinurinn vera slappur og linur, svo hann laumaðist afsíðis og batt við hann reglustiku. Fór hann við svo búið upp í rúm til sinnar gömlu og sinnti sínu hlutverki og var konan hæstánægð með gamla sinn. Daginn eftir synti annar eggjastokkurinn til hins og sagði: "Já, margir hafa nú komið við hér um dagana en aldrei hafa þeir fyrr komið á líkbörum!"

Athyglisvert...

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.  

@ PRISON	@ WORK
you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell	you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
you get three meals a day fully paid for	you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
you get time off for good behavior	you get more work for good behavior
the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you	you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
you can watch TV and play games	you could get fired for watching TV and playing games
you get your own toilet	you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
they allow your family and friends to visit	you aren't even supposed to speak to your family
all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required	you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare
you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out	you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars
you must deal with sadistic wardens	they are called managers
THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!

Læknirinn...

Einn vinur minn er lýtalæknir og er að sjálfsögðu bundinn trúnaði við

sjúklingana alveg fram á 10da glas.....

Kona kom og vildi fá hann til að minnka skapabarmana því þeir voru orðnir

stórir og slappir. En hann mátti alls ekki segja neinum frá þessu. Allt í lagi, og

aðgerðin fer fram. Þegar konan vaknar eru þrjár rauðar rósir

í vasa við rúmið. Hún reiddist og spurði vininn hvort hún hafi ekki tekið

fram að enginn mætti vita?

Jú segir læknirinn en ein rósin er frá mér. Mér fannst bara að þú værir svo

dugleg að standa í þessu ein.

Önnur er frá hjúkkunni sem hefur líka gengið í gegn um þetta. Og þessi

síðasta er frá manni uppi á brunadeild til að þakka þér fyrir nýju eyrun.............

Blómin og býflugurnar.

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

 "I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears.  "Promise me you won't tell me."

  Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

  The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
  At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
  When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
  If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid,
  I'll have nothing left to live for."  

Brandari.

At the immigration desk, somewhere in Europe:- Name?
- Abu Dalah Sarafi.
- Sex?
- Four times a week.
- No, no, no..... male or female?
- Male, female… sometimes camel…

Ljóskurnar eru samar við sig.

There were 3 girls in high school, they were all best friends and they're moms were all best friends as well, one mom was blonde, one mom was brunette, and the other had black hair.

So one night, the moms are all sitting around talking, and the Brunette says, ''I found a cigarette butt in my daughters trash can, I can't believe she smokes.''

The mom with Black Hair looks over and says, ''Well, I found a beer bottle in my daughters trashcan I can't believe she drinks.''

Then the blonde thinks for a moment and says, ''I found a condom in my daughters bed, I can't believe she has a dick.''

Blessuð börnin....

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret,

"Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back
asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted...........

Ert þú einn af 55?

Don't even think about using spell check!!!!!!!!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in th e rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt ! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.